I Think Aliens Have Landed in Chapter 6

There are a few universal writing tips that most authors try to heed. Some signify lazy writing, like “the road to hell is paved with adverbs.” Meaning, don’t write he “ran quickly,” instead write “he ran/sprinted/darted,” you name it.

Another good tip is to avoid “As you know, Bob” dialogue as a lame way of working in background information. For example, it makes no sense for Obama to say, “As you know Bob, when I was running for president I won the Iowa Caucus.” Everyone on the planet Earth knows that, so there would be no reason for Obama to say it in a conversation. Nor would it make sense for a character to make similar obvious statements in his/her dialogue.

But my favorite writing tip is to “Never have aliens land in Chapter 6.” Now, that’s not to say I have anything against creatures from outer space beaming down into literature. It just means, if you’re writing a book about aliens, make it a book about aliens. The reader should know that from the beginning.

You can’t pen five chapters of a plucky every-woman romance set in New York City and then suddenly find out the boyfriend is an alien halfway through. That’s just weird, and not in a good way.

So that’s why when I saw the new Nicholas Cage movie, “Knowing,” I was laughing hysterically at the end to the point tears were streaming down my face. And it’s not a comedy.

So rarely do you get to see such a ludicrous “Aliens landing in Chapter 6” scenario.

I’m telling you, the ending was out there, completely disconnected from the movie, which for about an hour and a half was rather okay. It had this “The Ring” meets “The Da Vinci Code” feel with wicked special effects (like a plane crash scene that was way graphic). Then, wow did it get wacky.

I don’t want to spoil it for you (though you should really wait until it hits FX on basic cable to watch it). But the final image of the movie was so cheesy that after ten minutes of trying to stifle a laugh in a manner similar to trying not to laugh in church, I busted up so hard that people around me started laughing.

Seriously, it was one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long time. Those “Scary Movie” people should send the creators a gift basket for doing their work for them.


So, yes, I am one of those people who bought the Twilight DVD the weekend it came out (actually, my husband bought it for me because he’s awesome). And of course I watched the bonus features. Have you seen the footage of ComicCon? It scared the crap out of me. Now I kinda get why Kristin Steward called the fans “psychotic”. Not that they’re actually crazy, but if you listen to the decibel level of 5,000 screaming fans who squeal after every sentence the actors say, it would freak you out too. I’ll have to remember not to scream if I ever run into one of the actors.

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